id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
