If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
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