Your dad touched me again.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
