Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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