you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
