No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Randomize
