I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
