just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Randomize
