Three words: puerto rican gang bang
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
