yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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