sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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