did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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