I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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