I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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