Fuck appropriateness.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
