someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I touched a dick in church today
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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