He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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