why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
