Dual....:-)
i wish my penis had a tongue
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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