I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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