You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Randomize
