Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
