tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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