Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
