I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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