Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
