Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
someone owes me an orgasm
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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