remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
