I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
