Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
