...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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