best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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