you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
