I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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