how can u be prego again
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize