Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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