I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
