She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
