Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
