Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
