Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize