who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
