Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize