Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
two words: eviction party
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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