hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
