You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
