I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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