Cold hands, warm shart.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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