We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
