yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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