just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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