Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
