Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
