I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
