I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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