Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
These tits shall not be calmed
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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