he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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