I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
