i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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