I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
