i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
