There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
