just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
