Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
