He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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