this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize
