eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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