Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
