u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
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