oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
