i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She even gives head with a lisp.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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