The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
