I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
